Protective
by lazy fat kitsune
Summary: How much hatred can their love take? How much longer can they stand to get hurt? Why exactly is their love wrong? How exactly do you define love? My lovely lil' rant on homophobia


_**Disclaimer: I own nothing excpet what I have written here. I don't own the characters.  
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_**Warning : Yaoi, swearing, opinions that night differ, and others that I can't remember. Oh, yeah, this fic is to vent off my anger, stress, mild irritation on homophobia.

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_**Protective**_

The noise that usually emanated the moment he stepped into the house was absent that day. Within the confines of his study, he heard the front door open and close with a near silent click. Then there were soft weary steps that sounded almost defeated. Curiosity, and perhaps concern, though he was loathe to admit it, made him step out of his study, cigarette dangling from his lips as he lit it on the way.

Sitting on the couch in the dark living room was his lover but not so. His usual pride and self confidence was gone, replaced by slumped shoulders and shadowed eyes. They seemed to glimmer all too brightly and he felt a mild lurch somewhere within him. It was unfamiliar, and so he felt irritated.

"You're late, idiot."

The shadow of his lover looked up and for a second, he looked as if he could cry. The corners of his lips fell downward slightly, and it seemed like he wanted nothing more than to run over to Eiri and wrap his arms around the blond novelist. But in the next moment he composed his features into a believable genuine looking smile. But Eiri knew better.

"Sorry, Yuki. There were things to do. I…forgot to call."

The pause between his words were not lost on the perceptive blond; neither were his vagueness. Normally Shuichi would babble on his day and work, whether the details were significant or not. And he would listen quietly until his patience ran out. Then he would employ method number one to shut the brat up. But this…this he was not used to. Before he could ask, Shuichi rose from his sitting position.

"It's been a long day. I'll go take a shower first."

As usual, Shuichi went to his lover and kissed him full on the lips. But this time, his lips lingered for longer than usual, and as he moved towards the bathroom, Eiri noted his limping. More disturbing was the fact that the wetness on the cheeks that he caressed was now on his fingertips.

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Standing at the corridor, he smoked. Cigarette after cigarette burned with his frustration, only his feelings grew worse with each stick that burned to the filter. Shuichi was never this secretive. What could possibly have happened? It could not have been Touma; he had quit his protests months ago.

It had been months since the appearance of another obstacle to their relationship. Almost three years since they met. So long. How had Shuichi tolerated him for so long? He, Yuki Eiri, was a misfit in all senses, and compared to the cheerful singer, he was darkness and sin. Yet, Shuichi said over and over again that he loves him. He was the one who supported the novelist through everything. And now that he seemed to have stumbled, Eiri could not help him break his fall. Hell, he could not do a shit. He did not even know what the problem is!

Filled with a sudden strong sense of frustration, Eiri determinedly stomped over and slammed the bathroom door open.

"Alright, you damn brat, what the hell is wrong with-"

His voice did not trail off; it stopped cold, stuck in his throat. Both of them froze. There Shuichi stood, with his hands holding a towel to wrap around his waist, in all his naked glory. His hair stood in random wet spikes where he had ran his hands through. In fact, it Eiri would have initiated sex had it not been for the many bruises and cuts on his young lover's body.

They looked painful, especially the large bruise at his right side. Shallow abrasions littered his elbows and some cuts around his arms were still mildly bleeding. His right shoulder had a handprint bruise, as if someone had grabbed him hard by the shoulder to keep him still. And, now that Eiri noticed, there was also a painful-looking scrape on his forehead at the left side. Altogether, it looked like he had been slammed hard into a wall and beaten up badly by a few people.

"Ah, Yuki, it's nothing. I just fell down-"

With a golden glare, he cut off those words.

"Who did this?"

Calm and flat his voice was, belying the deep protective fury boiling within him. How he yearned to get his hands on the bastards who did this.

"No one, Yuki. I told you I fell-"

They looked painful. With every bruise, every cut, and every bit of wound that he set his eyes on, his heart ached tenfold. He knew why.

"Why didn't you call me?"

Harsh and gentle at the same time. How could such gentle words be spoken with such a tone? Or was it hurt? Was he hurt? Which one of them was hurt? Eiri could not really tell anymore because all that he could think of, all that he could see was the discolouration that marred his lover's body. It made him want to cry for the hurting soul bare and naked in front of his eyes, unveiled. But he was not one for easy tears.

"Eh, Yuki. I told you I forgot to call. And I left my cell phone at the stu-"

"Why the fuck didn't you call me!"

Even Eiri himself flinched at that. He had not meant to raise his voice, or to sound so callous. Fearing that he might have gone a step too far, he looked up to see the dam breaking. The strong facade broke with half hearted protests as he gathered the crying child in his arms.

Child. Innocence. His lover should never have to face such cruelty for something he had no control of. He was supposed to protect all of that, all of which is Shindou Shuichi from cruel reality. Was this where he failed as a lover and a protector?

"I just…don't want you to get hurt…don't want you in trouble…"

The choking sobs that wracked the slim form in his embrace punctuated every few words. It felt as if something within him would shatter into a million pieces and never be repaired ever again.

"I just want to try and stand up for this by myself! I want to show them that this isn't wrong! I…I just want to keep you out of it, to protect you somehow!"

Protect. Why is this young man striving to shield him when it was his job? Why is it that he could cause such pain, such guilt? What gave him the right to instill such feelings in Eiri as no one ever did before?

"I can protect myself, dumbass."_ I'm supposed to protect you instead._

Despite the flare of anger, where he would have normally pushed his lover away, Eiri chose to hold him tighter in an attempt to suppress his guilt. But it didn't work for his emotions felt like they were going to overwhelm him anytime.

"Didn't I say we're lovers? We're in this together."

Overwhelming. Both tried to seek comfort and reassurance from each other as their lips met, one pliant and yielding, the other gentle and probing. The kiss was tender and sweet, unhurried, consoling what words could not. Parting only when air supply ran out, Shuichi buried his head in Eiri's shoulder.

"Yuki, is this wrong? Is it wrong for me to love you? Is love really such a bad thing? Why?"

"Just go to sleep, brat," he replied gently, avoiding the topic. Deep inside, he knew, no matter what they might think, to the society, this type of love is wrong. No matter how overwhelming Shuichi's love for him could be, it could not be enough to convince all the public. Not everyone could be accepting, and some would downright hate it as is obvious by what had taken place today.

Perhaps all the support they really have were only from each other and no one else. In fact, how could love generate such hate from people they did not know? How much hatred can this love of theirs take? Could it be strong enough to weather all the forces that seemed to be against them? How much longer can they stand to get hurt? He could not say he knew the answers to all that.

All he knew was that he felt this strong desire to protect this infinitely precious being in his arms, and that he wanted to there for his lover the next time this happened. He only knew that he never wanted this sleeping young man to ever get hurt again. He never wanted to see tears shed over such pain ever again. One thing is for sure. He would make sure Shuichi calls him the next time.

That night, Yuki Eiri promised himself that the next time, they would go through all this together. Just the both of them against the rest of the slaughtering public would be more than enough.

Maybe _**this** _is _love.

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_**Rambling: I read this gay couple's blog, and there's this comment that sort of piss me off because this one idiot said and I qoute : "Gays are disgusting." and some other comments and flames that piss me off further so I wondered how the society define love. Is it something that must be between opposite gender? Sadly, most of the public view it as such. some even downright hate it. But come on, homophobic dudes, look at it this way. How does it affect you? How does their affection and love for each other affect you daily lives? Geez, open up your mind and see that it does not affect you at all! So why is it so difficult to accept them as what they are? They are just like us, human beings in love. There's nothing wrong with it. Face that fact. If you can't, keep your opinions to yourself. End rant.**_


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